Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now, with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.” We will then drink a couple of beers, and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
Because I’m a man, when I get a cold or the flu, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me tenderly while I lie in bed and moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this shouldn’t be a problem.
Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like ‘cumin’ or ‘tofu.’ For all I know, they are the same thing.
Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If it gets misplaced, I could miss a whole show looking for it.
Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. This means that I have to make up something else up when you ask, so don’t ask.
Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother’s Day is okay. I don’t need to see it. And, don’t forget to pick up something for my mother too.
Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t … and if you are feeling amorous afterwards … then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt, or without it, you look fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I’m a man, and this is, after all, the year 2012, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest…… Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
Why? Because I’m a man!
Yo brother from another mother, right on dude. But, because I’m an older man now, I’m not so bothered about beer, it only means more trips to the toilet. Now with a few years under my belt( stretching it) I don’t mind going to her mothers, her old fashioned food is better.Now that I’ve got myself a shed i don’t need to wander the garden, I can keep dry and do nothing in my own little sanctuary. Because I’m an older man, when I get asked, how do I look? fine, is not in my vocabulary any more. Lovely and that colour suits you, is more than likely to keep the peace. These things will come to you in time, life is a learning curve, I’ve passed my peak and now on the downhill stretch an easy ride is what I’m looking for.
tata the noo
colin