May 072013
 

CarsMen come in all kinds of models, something like the cars we buy. It looks good when you first get it, but then you realize that you should have spent the extra to get more add-ons.

Some men are like the new models, the upper end flashy cars that look amazing. We’re hesitant to invest in them because we know the upkeep will cost us a bundle in emotional issues. They look great, and oh boy, those chassis are eye catching! But, once they are off the assembly line, women know that any serious damage will be hard to fix, and it’ll end up costing us big time if we want to return it. We notice that other women are definitely attracted to Continue reading »

May 012013
 

horse

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, ”All you have to remember with this horse, is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Do that, and you’ll be fine.”

Horse Jumping HurdleThe jockey thought the trainer was mad, but promised to shout the command. The race began and they approached the first hurdle. The jockey ignored the trainer’s ridiculous advice, and the horse crashed straight through the center of the jump.

They carried on and approached the second hurdle. The jockey, a little embarrassed, whispered, “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear. Again, the horse crashed straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey yelled, ”ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loud. Sure enough, the horse sailed over the jump with no problem. The jockey continued yelling it for the rest of the race, but, due to the earlier problems, the horse only finished third.

The waiting trainer was furious. He asked the jockey what the heck went wrong. The jockey replied, ”Nothing was wrong with me, it was this bloody horse. What is he, deaf or something?”

The trainer said, ”Deaf?? DEAF?? No, he’s not deaf you idiot, he’s BLIND!”

Apr 272013
 

Random Jokes, Questions & Quotes

»  A golfer walks into the pro shop at the local course, and asks the golf pro if they sell ball markers. The golf pro says, “Sure we do, and they are just $1.00 each.” The guy says he’ll take one, and gives the golf pro a dollar. The pro rings it up, opens the register, puts the dollar in the tray and with a big smile, hands the guy a quarter.

»  “I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn’t poor, I was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy. I was deprived. Oh, not deprived, but rather underprivileged. Then they told me that Continue reading »

Apr 222013
 

Drunk

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth. –George Burns

There are many memorable words that have been spoken throughout history, but there are countless others that should not be memorable, and yet we tend to keep those in mind most. This happens particularly more when people are drinking, mainly because our senses and mental capacities are diminished. With that in mind, let’s go over some phrases that if you hear a drunk person say… you should take notice and be careful. Because in this world it’s ok at times to be a fool, just don’t be no damn fool.

“I can do that. Here… Hold my beer.”

This one is great when you hear captain oblivious act like Evil Knievel. This would be the Continue reading »

Apr 182013
 

SupermanTwo brothers were playing, when the little brother and asked whether he could fly like Superman. “Why, sure you can,” encouraged the older brother, “just flap your arms really really hard.”

So, his little brother climbed up onto the windowsill, started flapping like mad, then jumped, smashing onto the ground just a few feet below. Hearing her child’s cries, their mother came flying into the room, and, seeing her son out on the lawn, asked, “What the heck is going on here?” The older brother looked at his mother innocently, and said, “I was just teaching him not to believe everything that someone tells him, Mom.”

Apr 182013
 

ExplorersA fellow, back from exploring the Upper Amazon, was addressing the gathering at the Explorers Society. “Many wonders I have seen, but none more wondrous than the strange ritual dance the natives perform only once a year, at a certain time. It’s called the “Putcha Dance”.

They were all intrigued, and so an expedition was hastily organized so the dance could be documented. They traveled many days and nights, braving harsh conditions until they finally arrived at the jungle village. When the time came close, they set up their equipment. The tribe arrived and formed a large circle. The chief raised his hands in the air, then announced, “The time has come.” He then began to sing, “Putcha right foot in…Putcha right foot out…”

Apr 142013
 

Half a personIs bi-shaveuality the new social revolution? In a world where we are expected to behave one way in public, then another when at home, why not have the best of both worlds? Let both sides of your personality shine by becoming a bi-shaveual.

Now you can let down you hair at the same time you put forward your professional persona. Bi-shaveuality makes it so much easier to show the best side of you instantly, and at any occasion. Romantically, you and your partner can enjoy an exciting ‘foursome’ all by yourselves, anytime you want.

Is bi-shaveuality for everyone? Probably not. But, for those souls torn between Continue reading »

Apr 132013
 

Grandma watching TV

I don’t know about the rest of the civilized world, but we’re sick and tired of reality shows. We don’t watch much television, but after a busy day, we sometimes turn it on for a bit of relaxation. That’s probably not a good idea, as it seems like this is the time of night when all the crazy reality shows hit the satellite dish. I have a sneaking suspicion that Hubby and I are not the only ones that are fed up with this turn of events.  I thought the purpose of television shows was to Continue reading »

Apr 102013
 

Truck in treeWell, I’ve been there and you’ve been there as well. I’m sure that almost all drivers have undergone their first car crash sometime in their life. I certainly hope that it’s not life-threatening though, but in any case, it turns us into better car drivers. And of course, it helps you become an expert when it comes to car accident excuses.

I remember the first time I got into a car accident. Fortunately, I didn’t hit another car, but an electrical post instead. While my mother was very concerned and thankful that I did not get hurt, my dad was a different story. He was very angry over the fact that I crashed the car that he bought for me. When asked what happened, I simply gave him a Continue reading »