May 152012
May 082012
A while back I wrote about irresponsible dog owners, those horse’s rear ends who let their mangy mutts yap and yap, for hours on end.
I really cannot fathom the depths of their IQ. So, I decided to do a little digging into the ‘types’ of owners (notice I didn’t say ‘class’, because they have none).
Part of what I found wasn’t all that shocking, but what caught me totally off guard, are the huge numbers of well-to-do folks who let their mutant patio rats scream canine profanity for Continue reading »
May 012012
Love makes us do strange things.
For instance, during that delightful (and extremely short) ‘honeymoon’ stage, when Crazy Lady and I first met, anything and everything was possible. So, when Countess Clairol decided she’d colour her hair at home, and suggested that she might as well do mine too, I figured, ‘Shucks, why not?’
I’d never had my hair coloured, and kind of looked forward to having it done. Well, when she opened the package, a horrible smell assaulted my nose, like a cross between embalming fluid and ammonia. Now I reckon that at that point, any of the good Lord’s other creatures, with even a lick of sense, would have bolted out the door in self-preservation. Oh, but not I. Instead, I watched Francesstein mix ingredients that looked remarkably like the ink an octopus shoots out when escaping.
The next thing I know, I’ve got Continue reading »
Apr 242012
It is now official. I ain’t smarter than a smartphone. And, to be honest with you, I think ‘smart’ phones are stupid. They are digital swiss army knives, and apparently there’s some international quest to build ones that can do everything except the dishes, and to cram them into ever smaller packages.
I’ve seen telephones evolve from huge wooden wall mounted models with no keypads, that had to be rung with handles, to ones that now look like ‘communicators’ used in Star Trek movies. I participated on the world’s first ‘party’ lines, and for decades listened to the whir and clicking of rotary dial phones. I recall the first ‘princess’ phones, ‘phones in a box’ and dials that evolved into keypads, and then to screens. I’ve seen phone cords go from being so short that you’d Continue reading »
Apr 172012
I love wood. I love its smell, look and feel. I also love working with it. That’s probably a good thing, because ‘she who sees all, knows all and bosses all’, has a few ‘projects’ for me to do. I’ve worked as a framer, cabinet maker and finishing carpenter, but I gave it up professionally years ago. However, I still like to dabble with small projects, and a thought started perculating in the back on my mind. I began thinking that there’s a lot of really talented and creative retired folks that might be bored, massive amounts of wood and materials being wasted every year, and whole lot of low income folks with kids who simply cannot afford to Continue reading »
Apr 102012
Happy pothole season! Yep, it’s that time of year again, and everyone round here has a story about a monsterous paved black hole that they, or a relative, almost lost their life in. Our potholes are truly legendary, and yet, as much as people complain about them, they do serve a purpose sometimes. It turns out that gangsters love big shiny rims and pimped out vehicles. Apparently, craters that look like they were the result of an asteroid strike, and low profile tires on chromed 20’s, are ‘incompatible’. Needless to say, the gangsters are appalled at the condition of the Continue reading »
Apr 032012
Just in case. Now, who would have thought that three little words could have such an impact on our lives? They can be used as a shield against possible social, economic or physical disaster, or as a horn to announce the arrival of the King and Queen of Hoarding. I’d like to think we prepare more, but admit we pack in too much stuff, ‘just in case’.
I got to thinking about it when Crazy Lady wanted to find a curling iron bigger than the fuselage on a 747. She knew that she had one, it was just a matter of finding it among the stuff that we had stored away, ‘just in case’. I have no idea why, but she decided it had to be in a Continue reading »
Mar 272012
I hear voices. I hear one most often, especially when I’m driving and I’m not alone. For instance, one day I pulled into a left turn lane, when suddenly a ‘voice’ said, “Mr. Blinky is our friend.” A few blocks later, as I approached an intersection where a pedestrian was going to cross, the same voice floated back into my consciousness with, “Watch that person about to cross the street.” I knew that it wasn’t from a back seat driver, because no one was in the back seat. Nevertheless, within mere minutes the voice was back, this time saying, “Tailgating isn’t going to get you there any faster.” Of course, my first reaction was to add a few colourful choice comments of my own, but that consistently ends up with me having a really bad day (and night).
I do my best to ignore the voice, and it does its best to make darn sure that I don’t. I considered telling my doctor about it, but decided against it. It’s one thing to be nuts, it’s a whole other thing to Continue reading »
Mar 202012
Have you ever had one of those days, when you roll out of bed first thing in the morning meaner than a stick poked badger? There ain’t no rhyme nor reason, you just woke up with a hankering to cause someone, or something grief, or at the very least, aggravation.
It may be a strong desire to spread pea gravel through the isles of a grocery store, then snicker as carts jam up, or it might be ‘accidentally’ tossing your child’s plastic golf club into the spokes of a snooty neighbour’s bike, which cost more than your mini van, as she glides past your house. It can happen as close as hiding the toilet paper in ‘her’ bathroom, or as far as a husband’s trip without Continue reading »
Mar 132012
Houdini The Mouse Versus The Mouse Traps was written on Friday March 9th, so after you read it, you check out the video at the bottom of this post for the conclusion of ‘Houdini’s War’!
What started as a scratching noise in our ceiling, has now escalated to a full scale rodent war. Don’t get me wrong, I tried to avoid confrontation, but Maid Medoit wasn’t about to let the sinister spectre of unseen critters, scurrying through our walls and ceiling, upset her equanimity (a $10.00 word for peace of mind). At first we thought that maybe Peck (our resident squirrel) had revived his efforts to Continue reading »
Mar 062012
My thoughts on what I consider the B.C. Liberal Nazi-like legislation creation.
There is a point with the public, when even the best propaganda becomes useless, when the boy’s called wolf one too many times, and when political lies begin to fall upon deaf ears. Now, I ain’t too sure what your provincial or state government’s like, but it’s my humble opinion that the B.C. Liberal government in British Columbia is the biggest passel of lying, malicious, vindictive and self-serving sociopaths this province has ever seen. They’ve consistently Continue reading »
Feb 282012
It is said that art imitates life, and it sure must be so, because in the last one hundred years, the world has gone from looking like a Norman Rockwell painting to a Picasso abstract interpretation. Cherry cheeked children that once inspired peach crate labels, wear more make-up than drag queens today as they compete in beauty pageants. The “Yes Sir’s” and “Yes Ma’am’s” of yesteryear, have been replaced with two words that begin with an f, and end with a u. Institutions that once honoured the Continue reading »
Feb 212012
Tips for surviving Menopause: During menopause, a woman’s ovaries stop making eggs and they produce less estrogen and progesterone. Changes in these hormones cause menopause symptoms. In man speak, that translates to “Run Forrest. Run Forrest, Run!” It is the biological time of a woman’s life when she is most dangerous. Her intellect is peaking, her self awareness is off the charts and her body is refusing to cooperate with any of the experts. To this lethal cocktail, add a Continue reading »
Feb 142012
A tale about the angels at Prince George’s Meals On Wheels:
We can see an apartment building from our house, and in that building, lives a senior citizen. I rarely ever see family or friends visit her, in fact, I only catch brief glimpses of her on those rare occasions when she makes a brief public appearance. Her world seems confined to 500 square feet of basement floor space, and her company restricted to Continue reading »