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Movie Reviews And Critiques
Watching Bird Box Is Like Having Sex That Ends Before It Should

Watching Bird Box Is Like Having Sex That Ends Before It Should

Bird Box Starring Sandra Bullock

Recently, after a great deal of positive hype, I watched a movie called “Bird Box”, starring Sandra Bullock, Trevante Rhodes, and John Malkovich. The movie was based on the book by author Josh Malerman, who’s also a singer in the rock band “The High Strung”. This 2018 American post-apocalyptic thriller film was directed by Susanne Bier, and was adapted to screen by writer Eric Heisserer.
Bird Box Movie Review Floating Down River Blind Folded
The gist of the story is that when an entity, or entities unknown, suddenly appears and is seen, people have some really interesting reactions. Sandra Bullock’s character is a smart and tough former farm girl who takes crap from no one. A woman who must protect her child and another from seeing the danger, as she makes her way to a sanctuary far away in a forest along a wild and dangerous river, all while blindfolded.

Bird Box Movie Review 3 Birds

Outstanding Performances By Bullock, Rhodes and Malkovich

Bullock, Rhodes and Malkovich delivered outstanding performances (actually the cinematography and acting by the whole cast was nothing short of brilliant); and Beir did an absolutely stellar job of directing a movie that I felt was best suited for the cutting room floor. Having not read the book Bird Box, I was left with the sincere hope that the novel was much, much better. I liken the experience of watching this film to having much anticipated sex that ends before it should and/or in a way that it shouldn’t.

Bird Box Movie Review Monsters

I Want My Time Back

Despite the hype about the film’s horrifying story line, the only thing really horrific was the end product. Bird Box is a classic example of a story best left as a story and proves that in spite of all the advances of knowledge, aids and technology in the world of film, it’s still very possible to spend many millions of dollars to create something worth less than worthless.

Bird Box Big Letdown

In summation; I want my time back. I feel more ripped off than a kid who forfeited their whole allowance to see a fake alien in a sideshow. In my opinion, Bird Box has all the elements of a good election campaign: it leads people to believe in things unseen and unknown, to hope that things get better, but instead they get worse, leaving folks feeling like a real piece of crap.

Bird Box Movie Review Suicide

Fire The Dough Heads Responsible

My advice to the studio is to fire the dough heads responsible and to wake the heck up to the fact that the best movies ever made, were not made to showcase talent, but rather use talent to showcase the script. Bird Box is a show that promises much, but provides little more than good actors acting out a substanceless story that delivers all of the excitement and titillation of a cheap Viagra placebo.

I give this film 5 boos.

Official Bird Box Trailer

Movie Review By: W. Lewis, Publisher of The Northern Star

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