Humor

Now that the metric system is in wide use all over the world except in the United States, their expressions help us realize why Americans chose not to adopt it:  A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers.  Put your best .3 of a meter forward.  Spare the 5.03 meters, and spoil the child.  Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams …

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped over and into the Princess’s lap, then said, “Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince until an …

Here’s a really stupid pet idea, dye their fur a wide variety of outrageous colors guaranteed to turn Foo-Foo into the neighborhood laughing stock. Seriously? Now this borders on animal cruelty. It’s bad enough to groom an animal like an animated hedge, and to dress if Couture clothing, but making it look like it passed out at a pooch party and woke …

Seven Simple Steps To Make Your Toilet Sparkle And Shine 1. Lift both lids on your toilet bowl, and add a couple of capfuls of pet shampoo to the water. 2. Go to where the cat is sleeping, pick it up gently, and carry it to the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and …

By Art Bupkis Once upon a time, in a fair Manitoba meadow, lived a woodchuck named Charlotte.  But never call her a groundhog!  If you did, you were in for it, as she came from a long line of stuffy, entitled woodchucks.  Indeed, her father had insisted on being called “Charles”, never “Chuck”. This family of woodchucks considered themselves “the …

You know that you need yourself a new truck when: You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you. You have to go to an upholstery shop every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced. You accidentally make the wrong turn, pull into a junkyard’s driveway to turn around, and get pulled over …

…and that is when the fight started. Phobias are weird things, especially when they affect haughty, power-tripping supervisors at work. Case in point, one Phoebe Anderson, little Miss Control Freak and resident germaphobe. Nobody said anything about her fears, and did their best to try not to notice. Phoebe prided herself on rubbing shoulders with the local uppity-ups, and loved …

An odd fellow died one day, and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there, he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates, and into Heaven. Others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them down into the burning pit. But, every so often, instead of hurling a …