By Colin Black

My pal Bob and I, used take his boat up to Loch Rannoch and enjoy an afternoon on the water. Bob’s sister, Jeannie, had a wee caravan (trailer) in a field next to the Forestry Commission ranger’s house, so she got to know ‘Wullie’, the Ranger, and his wife very well. She told us this story:

In addition to his duty to keep the forest in tip top condition, it was Wullie’s job to cull the deer, you know, weed out the old and infirm members of the herd. Wullie was sitting, enjoying his midday meal one day, when he looked out the window. and there in his garden, was a big stag. The stag was having his meal as well. Unfortunately, its meal was Wullie’s cabbages and lettuce. As the stag would be included in the next cull anyway, Wullie decide to save himself a walk up the hill. He lifted his high-powered rifle from its cabinet, and with one shot from the cottage door, he dropped the big stag where it stood, halfway through his lettuce. ‘That’ll teach you to eat my veggies’ he thought.

Just then, a shout came from the side of the cottage. What Wullie couldn’t see, was a couple of American tourists who couldn’t believe their luck seeing the stag so close, and had been poised to snap a few pictures of the “magnificent beast”. Elmer was just about to click the shutter on his camera, when Wullie pulled the trigger. Elmer’s wife, Blanche, was outraged, called Wullie all kinds of names, and stated, “I’m calling the cops.” Our colonial friend, Wullie, a man of few words, just said, “Away ye go, you silly woman, it’s part o’ ma job,” and went back to eating his lunch.

Colin Black is a 62 year old truck driver (and has been for over 40 years), and author from Bellshill, Bonnie Scotland.