Will’s Thoughts are about whether it is true that good looking people get asked out less often.
For most of my life I have heard that good looking people frequently are the loneliest, because their beauty intimidates potential partners. Though attracted to their beauty, the good looking are not approached, because everyone ‘assumes’ that they have it all – beautiful mate, wealth, health and happiness. I was led to believe that good looking people often spend lonely evenings haunted by hunger pangs, their self-image and esteem plummeting, as they dwell on why people seem to shun them.
Slaves to personal maintenance, the good looking’s outer world becomes a fantasy, and reflected images become reality. Instead of a world of being self-assured, their’s is a world of fear and uncertainty. Is their hair out of whack? Does their breath stink? Do their pants make butt cheeks look mountainous? Is that jacket too casual? Are people staring because they’re a freak?
Well, I ain’t the person to ask, because I sure as heck never had any such ‘burdens’ to bear. It’s rumored that when I was born, my mother also had a bowel movement. According to many, they threw the baby out and kept the turd. I reckon that I first knew that I was a visual impairment, when a childhood friend made me wear a paper bag mask to his house, because his ma had a weak heart.
However, one thing that those good looking folks and I have in common, was that no potential mates approached me either. In fact, without the aid of darkness and substantial amounts of drugs and alcohol, I probably would have never reproduced at all. I do not suffer hunger pangs, I suffer waistband pangs, and the Warden never takes her eyes off me, which is really irritating when I want to pick my nose. When I look in the mirror, all I see is an old fart falling apart, and I know that when I twirl to check out my pants, they’ll look like wind filled sails on a schooner.
Now, back to those good looking folks being lonely. For the record, that ain’t nothing but a huge pile of bull droppings. People fawn all over pretty people’s butts, opening doors, buying them drinks and laughing at their every joke. Heck, we even have entire industries built around the incessant race to be ‘attractive’. Industries that spend their every waking moment telling us that we’re ugly, our teeth are yellow, we stink, we’re fat and and our clothes are horribly out of style. But, if we use their products, our fame and fortune is inevitable.
Well, I’ve got news for them. By golly, they’re right. I am a yellow toothed obese troll, whose body odor causes instant gagging, and my style of clothes were worn by 1890’s gold miners. I stuff my face, not my underwear, mirrors are not my friends, and I have yet to experience one dang orgasm while shampooing my hair.
But somehow, despite all of my mental and physical challenges, and billions of dollars spent to ostracize us homely folks, I still ended up with a beautiful, intelligent and loving woman, absolutely remarkable children, and a house right overflowing with love. And, at the end of the day, I reckon that I’m a heap happier looking at good looking, than those folks are who are trying to be it.
Will’s thoughts prove that everybody has opinions, but he has way more than he should. From dogs that won’t stop barking, to the antics of his spouse, ‘Crazy Lady’, Will’s Thoughts will make you smile.