Crazy Lady Plays A Scammer | By Crazy Lady

Playing A Scammer Involving G Freight Company, David Marvel And The Ordering Of Organic Bumpy Walled Banners For Blue Walls

A while ago, when I was surfing the net I came across a website where they had fun with shipping scammers. So, when I received an email from a Mr. David Marvel wanting to buy some banners (I don’t have), I thought to myself, “Well, I wonder just how far I can go with this guy?”. So, I enlisted the help of my good friend Elta, who’s just as crazy as I am and together we started the adventure.

To give you a heads up, the way that this scam is suppose to work is that “David” orders banners, but wants us to pay the shipping company of his choice in advance, promising to repay the shipping cost once the order’s been shipped. Why, the alleged shipping company will even pick the order up too! Now, if I’d fallen for this scam, I’d have sent the “Shipping Company” money, but they’d never come to pick up the order and of course “David” would then refuse repay the money because the order never shipped.

Needless to say, although this is a very long post, I think you’ll enjoy it. There were times when I tried to read some of the emails out loud to Will, but I was laughing so hard I couldn’t talk.

I used Pecker’s name ( Our squirrel friend)….. I hope you enjoy 🙂

To make it easier to follow, I’ve color coded the conversations.
David’s blue
Crazy Lady and Elta’s are black
The “Shipping Company’s” are red
I’ve also bolded some of the “important” parts!

 

From: David Marvel
davidmarvel11@gmail.com
Date: January-24-12 4:15 AM
To: undisclosed-recipients:;

Hello,
I am Mr. David Marvel and I will like to order banners from your company. Can I have their prices in range and the method of payment you accept, I wish to start business with your good company, so I look forward for your valued reply ASAP.

Have a nice day!

Best Regards,
David Marvel

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Sat, Jan 28, 2012 at 4:26 PM
To: davidmarvel11@gmail.com

Hello David,

Your email regarding pricing and information on banners was forwarded to me as I’m the manufacturer, supplier and spinner of all banners in Canada. Our prices for banners depend on the size of banner you wish to purchase, as well as where you’ll be placing the banner. Banners against blue walls are slightly more expensive than ones against white walls. It all has to do with the type of dye we must use to make them stand out better against the wall. Also, if banners you want are going against a wall, will they be flat walls, or bumpy walls? Banners for bumpy walls are harder to manufacture and thus cost a little more than flat walled banners.

Flat walled banners for blue walls range in price from as low as $350.00 (USD) up to as high as $18,999 (USD) each, depending on the size of the banner.

Flat Walled banners for white walls range in price from $250.00 (USD) to $15,999(USD) each depending on the size of the banner.

Bumpy Walled banners for blue walls range in price from $850.00 (USD) to $28,999 (USD) each depending on the size of the banner.

Bumpy walled banners for white walls range in price from $650.00 (USD) to $25,999 (USD) each depending on the size of the banner you would like.

If you order 2,000 or more banners at a time, we can give you an amazing 10% discount.  As to method of payment, we accept all major and minor credit cards, but if paying with a minor credit card, we’ll need photo ID (photo ID must be taken with a green background and you must wear a yellow shirt with no more than 2 shirt buttons undone).

I’ve attached our price list, please let me know how you’d like to proceed.

Thank you,
Pecker Lewis

 

From: David Marvel
Date: Mon, Jan 30, 2012 at 2:53 PM
To: Pecker Lewis

I want the Bumpy Walled banners for blue walls range with the size 3’x8′ 13 ounce.

Can I have the price?

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Wed, Feb 1, 2012 at 2:25 PM
To: David Marvel

Hi David,

Sorry it took so long to get back to you, I had to go across the street to our warehouse to check our banner stock. Unfortunately, I’ve checked our inventory for the 3’x8′, 13 ounce Bumpy Walled banners for blue walls and we seem to be out of that size right now.

What I can offer you are the Bumpy Walled banners for blue walls in size 4′ x 36′, 14 ounces. I know that’s a little larger than what you wanted, but I talked to Mr. Cutter from our Scissor Department down the road and he assured me that if you really need them to be 8′, that we can also sell you Plastic Gold Plated Scissors for you to cut the banner to the exact size you need.

I asked Mr. Cutter if he’d be able to give you a deal on the Plastic Gold Plated Scissors because it’s not your fault that we don’t have the exact sized Bumpy Walled banner for blue walls that you want. The regular price for a pair of Plastic Gold Plated Scissors is $299.00 (USD), and so I’m very happy to tell you that Mr. Cutter’s willing to give you 50% off the regular price. They’ll now only cost you $149.50 (USD). That’s a great savings for you David!

I’ll quote you the prices for the organic and non organic Bumpy Walled banners for blue walls. Please note that organic Bumpy Walled banners are made from special silk threads spun from Grey Squirrel Cow Dung. The Grey Squirrel Cow’s are fed only a diet of French Strawberry Peanuts flown in from France once a week. The dung from the French Strawberry Peanuts gives the Bumpy Walled banners just the right flow to hang nicely on bumpy walls.

Organic Bumpy Walled banners for blue walls in size 4’x36′ 14 ounce – $9,999.00 (USD)

Non-Organic Bumpy Walled banner for blue walls in size 4’x36′ 14 ounce – $7,999.00 (USD)

We also have a special on our Winter Yellow Snow Spray which, Mr. Marvel, I highly recommend you also buy. Our special Winter Yellow Snow Spray spray helps to protect your banner from the elements. It’s made from only the highest quality Yukon yellow snow. One bottle will coat a 4′ x 36′ Bumpy Walled banner for blue walls for only $399.99 (USD).

Before I can quote you a price, I need to know if you want the Organic Bumpy walled banners for blue walls in size 4’x36′ 14 ounce size, or the Non Organic Bumpy Walled banner for blue walls in size 4’x36′, 14 ounces. Please also indicate how many pairs of Plastic Gold Plated Scissors you’d like to buy. Mr. Cutter said if you order 100 pairs of scissors, he’ll even give you one pair for FREE! How can you beat that? As soon as you tell me the quantity of our special Winter Yellow Snow Spray you want, a dog team will be dispatched from the Yukon to deliver it to us.

Thank you David, I look forward to hearing back from you.

Pecker Lewis

 

From: David Marvel
Date: Thu, Feb 2, 2012 at 12:21 PM
To: Pecker Lewis

Hello Pecker,
Thanks for the mail. I really do appreciate that. I want the Organic Bumpy Walled banners for blue walls in size 4’x36′ 14 ounce and I am shipping this to a client who is in Norway through the delivery address below:

James & Jane Company Ltd.
722 Nostegt. 72,
Bergen, Norway, N-5011

With the shipping, I do know of a freight company that can pick up this unit from your location and ship it to the delivery location. Their shipping rates are very affordable and they do door to door delivery in Norway. Here is their contact information:

NAME; G Freight Company
EMAIL: g_freight@email.com

I would like you to email them and get back to me with the total cost, including shipping, so that I can provide you my credit card card details for payment.
Thank you and hope to hear from you soon.

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Thu, Feb 2, 2012 at 2:06 PM
To: David Marvel

Hi David,

Before I contact G Freight Company, I have to figure out the total weight of your order. To do that, I need you to indicate how much special Winter Yellow Snow Spray and how many pairs of Plastic Gold Plated Scissors you want. You also didn’t mention how many Organic Bumpy walled banners for blue walls in size 4’x36′ 4 ounce that you wanted to order.

To make this easier for you, I’ll just assume that you want:

– 50 Organic Bumpy Walled banners for blue walls in size 4’x36′ 4 ounce
– 100 Plastic Gold Plated Scissors – Remember ordering 100 pairs gets you one pair of Plastic Gold Plated Scissors for FREE!
– 50 10 ounce bottles of our special Winter Yellow Snow Spray – one for each Bumpy Walled banner

David, you’ll also need nails to hang your banners with. And you’re in luck because just last year we opened up an Elta Nail Department in our warehouse. Unfortunately though, the CEO of Elta Nails, Mr. Brad, is on vacation right now somewhere on a cruise ship. He was due to return last week but must be having a really good time, because no one’s heard from him since he the ship was near the Grecian Islands.

You’re in luck though, because before Mr. Brad left for his vacation, he wanted to get a tan, so I accompanied him to the tanning studio. I tell you though, David, talking nails with a butt naked man while he was tanning was a little weird. But we did have a great talk about nails and he authorized me to take over the Elta Nail Department while he’s gone. This is awesome for you David, because we no idea when he’ll contact us next.

Our Elta Nails are our number one seller, but can be rather pricey, especially if purchased for the Organic Bumpy Walled banners for blue walls. Unfortunately, they don’t work as efficient if exposed to our special Winter Yellow Snow Spray! So, I suggest that you purchase our cheaper knock-off brand. However, you’ll need to purchase three times as many of them because the cheaper one’s only hold a certain amount of weight. I’ll just add the nails I think you’ll need for your order David.

I need to know, would you like your order wrapped in paper, plastic or bubble wrap for shipping? My recommendation David, is that you go with bubble wrap. Trust me, your clients, James & Jane Company Ltd., will thank you for all the bubble wrap that they’ll get to play with after they’re finished hanging their banners! Please be aware that there is an additional price for the air used to fill the bubbles in the bubble wrap. We regret the increased price, but for such a large order we’ll have to hire an additional ten monkeys to blow air into each of the bubbles in the bubble wrap. Don’t worry though David, we’ve received permission from the SPCA and no monkeys are ever harmed while blowing air into bubble wrap bubbles.

So before I contact G Freight Company for shipping costs, please review what I’ve done and confirm your order.

– 50 Organic Bumpy walled banners for blue walls in size 4’x36′ 4oz – 50 x $9,999.00 = $499,950.00
– 10 Plastic Gold Plated Scissors 100 x $149.50 = $14,950.00 (one pair free!)
– 50 10 ounce containers of our special Winter Yellow Snow Spray – 50 x $399.99 = $19,999.50
– 2500 1.5 inch knock off nails – $5.00 x $2500.00 = $12,500.00
– 250 meters of of monkey blown bubble Wrap = $1,500.00
– Ten days of ten monkeys – 10 x $100.00 = $1000.00
– 42 pounds of monkey air = $3699.50
– Calculation fees = $1,000.00
TOTAL ORDER = $556,599
TOTAL WEIGHT = 8,000 pounds

David those were some big numbers to add up, so I had to recruit 20 other people because I only have 10 fingers and 10 toes. I now wait for your confirmation regarding this order before I contact the shipping company.

Thank you,

Pecker Lewis

 

From: David Marvel
Date: Fri, Feb 3, 2012 at 11:01 AM
To: Pecker Lewis

Thank you and kindly go ahead and email the G Freight Company so that we can proceed with the order. I want 50 Organic Bumpy Walled banners for blue walls.

 

Pecker Lewis
Date: Fri, Feb 3, 2012 at 2:48 PM
To: g_freight@email.com

Hello,

I am writing to you in regards to shipping costs. Mr. David Marvel has highly recommended your company. Mr. Marvel’s order will be wrapped in bubble wrap and will weigh approximately 8000 pounds. Please advise how you’ll be shipping this order to Mr. Marvel’s customer in Bergen, Norway. Will it be traveling by truck, or will you be putting it on a cruise ship? I’m a little worried that the order might get wet if it will travel by cruise ship. If by ship, we’ll have to protect the bubble wrap with Water Repellent Bee Urine. This is very special spray and quite costly as it is very difficult to collect bee urine. Would you rather I add it to Mr. Marvel’s bill, or will you be paying this extra cost?

Thank you, I look forward to your reply.

Pecker Lewis

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Fri, Feb 3, 2012 at 2:53 PM
To: David Marvel

Hi David,

Just letting you know that I’ve sent an email to the shipping company to request a quote. I was a little concerned about how they’d be shipping your order. If by cruise ship, we’ll have to spray the bubble wrap with Water Repellent Bee Urine. I’ve asked the shipping company to pay for this extra charge, but if they won’t, then you’ll be responsible for the added cost.

It will be $3,999.00 extra for the Water Repellent Bee Urine to properly protect your order at sea. I hope this additional cost won’t be a problem. Once I hear back from the shipping company, I’ll contact you.

Thank you,

Pecker Lewis

 

From: David Marvel
Date: Mon, Feb 6, 2012 at 2:11 AM
To: Pecker Lewis

Hello Pecker,
Thank you for the email. For additional cost I will wait till I know the shipping quote first. The total cost for my order without shipping is $9999.00 right?
Advise.

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Mon, Feb 6, 2012 at 9:45 AM
To: David Marvel

Hi David,

There seems to be some confusion. You want to order 50 Organic Bumpy Walled banners for blue walls. Each banner cost $9999.00. Just for the banners the amount owed is $499,950.00. Then there’s the cost for the following: the following as well:

– Plastic Gold Plated Scissors
– Winter Yellow Snow Spray
– Knock off Nails
– Bubble Wrap
– Monkey staff
– 42 pounds of monkey air
– Calculation Fees.

Why are you only mentioning the banners? I went to a lot of work to get you the other supplies as well. Please don’t tell me I have wasted my time! I’ve already bought plane tickets for the 10 monkeys that I need to hire to blow air into the bubble wrap. David, it’s not easy to get bubble wrap blowing monkeys to come to Canada! They’ll be arriving from Africa on Thursday. Plus, because we haven’t had that much snow this year, the dog sled delivering our special Winter Yellow Snow Spray is having a harder time delivering the precious cargo. So you need to buy it while it’s in stock!

The total cost for your order, without shipping is $556,599.

Please advise if you are going to continue with your order.

Thank you,

Pecker

 

From: David Marvel
Date: Mon, Feb 6, 2012 at 3:26 PM
To: Pecker Lewis

I want to proceed with the order and you have not wasted your time. I want order one banner for the moment, I’ll order more at a later time, so kindly inform the shipping company and let them know. So, one banner will cost me $9999.00.

Thank you for your time

 

From: Sam Cooke
Date: Tue, Feb 7, 2012 at 12:51 AM
To: Pecker Lewis

G FREIGHT SHIPPING COMPANY QUOTATION

Thank you for making the choice to choose G Freight Shipping. We welcome you to a whole new shipping experience. With G Freight, nothing’s too big or too small. We’re always at your service!

In order for us to provide you with an exact shipping quote, we’ll require the pick up address and delivery address. Regarding the additional cost for Water Repellent Bee Urine, your costumer needs to take care of that. Thank you and we look forward to serving your shipping needs.

Sam Cooke

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Tue, Feb 7, 2012 at 6:11 PM
To: David Marvel

Hi David,

I’m sorry, but we cannot accept orders for only one banner. Each order is custom made, so the minimum order is 20 banners. We also care about the well being of our banners as they are like part of our family and so insist that clients also buy our special Winter Yellow Snow. If you wish to eliminate the cost of shipping of the Winter Yellow Snow Spray, we’d be happy to spray the banners before we wrap them in bubble wrap for an additional price of $999.00 per banner ordered. And let me tell you, this is a HUGE bargain! Each banner must be sprayed twice. So we spray, rinse, then repeat. Think of it as washing your hair. Minus the cream rinse.

G Freight did email me back, but they didn’t supply a quote at this time. I won’t bother the good people at G Freight again until I have your commitment to purchase at least 20 Organic Bumpy Walled banners for blue walls and 20 bottles of our special Winter Yellow Snow Spray.

I await your reply.

Pecker

 

From: David Marvel
Date: Wed, Feb 8, 2012 at 5:08 AM
To: Pecker Lewis

What will be the total of cost of 20 banners?

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Wed, Feb 8, 2012 at 9:09 AM
To: David Marvel

Hi David,

The price for 20 Organic Bumpy Walled banners for blue walls will be $199,980.

I talked to my manager and he said that we can provide 20 bottles of Winter Yellow Snow Spray, but your customer will have to spray the banners when they arrive. We will send instructions on how to safely use our special Winter Yellow Snow Spray.

Thank you,

Pecker

 

From: David Marvel
Date: Wed, Feb 8, 2012 at 10:23 AM
To: Pecker Lewis

Okay, I want purchase 20 Organic Bumpy Walled banners for blue walls, so kindly email the G Freight Company and get back to me with the shipping quote so that I can make payment. Thank you Pecker

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Wed, Feb 8, 2012 at 12:52 PM
To: Sam Cooke

Hello Sam

Mr. Marvel’s total order will be 3000lbs. It will be wrapped in bubble wrap.

Now do you prefer that we use Organic Bubble Wrap, or will Non-organic bubble wrap be ok?

Oh, and it’s being shipped from Canada.

Our address is:
453 Sesame Street
British Columbia,
Canada
Postal code: H0H 0H0

We are easy to find, as we are located between Oscar’s Trash Can Company and Big Bird’s Nesting Materials.

The order’s being shipped to:

James & Jane Company Ltd.
722 Nostegt. 72,
Bergen, Norway, N-5011

Please let us know the shipping costs as soon as possible so we can advise our customer.

Thank you,
Pecker Lewis

 

From: Sam Cooke
Date: Wed, Feb 8, 2012 at 2:49 PM
To: Pecker Lewis

DATE 08/02/2012
QUOTATION #SP115
Quotation for: Pecker Lewis
Quotation Valid Until: 22/02/2012
Quantity Of goods: Twenty
Dimensions:………..
Total Weight: 3000lbs

Dear valued customer,

The cost for International Air Shipping of the above goods from 1453 Sesame Street, British Columbia, Canada to James And Jane Company Ltd. 722 Nostegt. 72, Bergen, Norway, N-5011 is $10,153.50.

Price breakdowns are as follows:

Air Shipping: $6989.20
Pick Up: $990.10
Taxes: $350.11
Handling: $666.09
Custom Duties: $1158.00
Shipment Total: $10,153.50

Prices Include Taxes and Duties. We appreciate this opportunity to serve your international shipping needs . Please note that all pricing is based on current tariff(s) and the cargo specifications as noted, and is subject to change based on current tariff(s) and the cargo specifications. is valid for 14 days and is not a guarantee of service.It takes approximately 3-6 day’s for delivery when picked up. We look forward to serving you to your fullest Satisfaction.The item can be wrapped with the Paper Bubble Wrap.

Thank you.

Best Regards

Customer Service
Sam Cooke

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Wed, Feb 8, 2012 at 4:27 PM
To: Sam Cooke

Thank you for the quote. I will email my client and let him know, then I will be in touch with you again. I hope to have the order ready by 22/02/2012. It will all depend on how fast China can ship the Monkeys over. I ordered Monkeys for the Plastic Bubble Wrap. Now I have to cancel that and order new Monkeys. Should not be a problem though!

Thank you,
Pecker Lewis

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Wed, Feb 8, 2012 at 4:51 PM
To: David Marvel

Hi David,

G FREIGHT SHIPPING COMPANY has quoted the shipping at $10,153.50. The following is a break down of the shipping costs:

Air Shipping: $6989.20
Pick Up: $990.10
Taxes: $350.11
Handling: $666.09
Custom Duties: $1158.00
Shipment Total: $10,153.50

I see they are going to charge you $990.10 for pick up! That is expensive. I know a guy who knows a guy that has a cousin who knows a guy that will pick up your order, and deliver it to G Freight Shipping for $50.00 and a case of beer. He likes Budwiser. That my friend will save you about $920.10 on your shipping. Do you want me to give Bubba a call and see if he is available? Oh wait. This quote is good till 22/02/2012. David we have a problem!

The shipping company has requested that the order be wrapped in Paper Bubble Wrap. With Organic Paper Bubble Wrap, we are getting into a whole new area. I had ordered 10 Brown Monkeys to blow air into the bubbles in the bubble wrap, but that was for plastic bubble wrap. Paper Bubble Wrap is special and these monkeys can not do the job. Now I am going to have to locate the rare, and special breed of ORIGAMI Paper Folding Monkeys! These monkeys are so rare to find, and they are only in China and hide out in the Lotus plants! I am now going to have to hire a Registered/Certified Origami Monkey Breeder to capture 10, and fly them to Canada. This will cost an additional $5000.00.

Is your client willing to pay the extra money?

Thank you,

Pecker Lewis

 

From: David Marvel
Date: Thu, Feb 9, 2012 at 7:27 AM
To: Pecker Lewis

Hello Pecker,
Thank you for the mail. I will like you to get back to me with the grand total price including shipping and additional cost so that I can render my credit card details as payment of the charges.
Thank you

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Thu, Feb 9, 2012 at 8:38 AM
To: David Marvel

Hello David,

Your total for products is $204,980.00
Your total for G FREIGHT SHIPPING COMPANY is $10,153.50

Break Down:
20 Organic Bumpy walled banners for blue walls: $199,980
Registered/Certified Origami Monkey Breeder: $5000.00
TOTAL: $204,980.00

G FREIGHT SHIPPING COMPANY: $10,153.50

SHIPMENT AND PRODUCT ORDER: $215,133.50

We can have your order ready by 20/02/2012. That gives you enough time to contact G FREIGHT SHIPPING COMPANY and pre-pay for the shipping charges.

Please email G FREIGHT SHIPPING COMPANY to arrange your payment for shipping by 18/02/2012. Then get back to us with confirmation number that shipping has been paid by your company.

Thank you,

Pecker Lewis

 

From: davidmarvel
Date: Thu, Feb 9, 2012 at 9:02 AM
To: Pecker Lewis

Pecker
I will like to make all payment to you so prepay the shipping company on my behalf.
Advise so that I can make payment.

 

From: david marvel
Date: Thu, Feb 9, 2012 at 11:42 AM
To: Pecker Lewis

Still waiting for your email Mr. Pecker.

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Thu, Feb 9, 2012 at 6:09 PM
To: David Marvel

Hi David,
Sorry I did not reply sooner. I didn’t realize that you wanted us to pre-pay the shipping for you, so I had to talk to my boss about this. Of course I had to sit there and listen to four hours of him talk about the ovarian cyst that he had to have surgery for last year. David have you ever had an ovarian cyst? Sounds rather painful! Anyway….

I will have to transfer your order down to the Pre-Paid Shipping Dept. in Likeawanna Dcup, Canada. Due to numerous scam artists, the Pre-Paid Shipping Department oversees all the accounts that request shipping be paid on their behalf. For an order of this amount, and the price for shipping by the G freight Shipping Company, I can only guess on my part that the request will be denied by our Pre-Paid Shipping Dept.

We do however, have a Department of Loans, where I would gladly forward your order for loan processing if you wish. Our loan fees are 35%, require a copy of your DL, passport, a copy of your mortgage papers, title to all your vehicles and, of course, your first born child. The interest is compounded daily on the balance. The loans must be repaid within 30 days, however for an additional fee of 150% of the daily balance, we will give an extension of an additional 30 days.

We take our company here very seriously and take pride in the satisfaction of all customers.

Thank you,
Pecker Lewis

 

From: David Marvel
Date: Fri, Feb 10, 2012 at 12:50 PM
To: Pecker Lewis

Pecker
Sorry about your boss. Thank you you for the idea, but it’s going to take time, so why not let me make full payment to you and you pay the G Freight Company. There is nothing like scam here, so when replying me, reply with your phone number. Thank you.
Advise if you are ready to take payment for the charges.

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Fri, Feb 10, 2012 at 1:31 PM
To: David Marvel

Hi David,

Thank you for your kind words about my Boss.

I took the order and shipping bill over to the Pre-Paid Shipping Department and they noticed a mistake on the bill. Oh David, I forgot about the “LEAP YEAR TAX”! That tax has to be added on every 4 years when the Leap Year hits the calendar. Geez, with all we have had on our minds how could I have forgotten that tax? The Leap Year Tax is calculated by adding the past 4 years 365 X 4 = $1460 minus the special deduction of conceiving during a Leap Year, (this tax is only added to those who have children. 1 child = $50.00, 2nd child = $150.00, 3rd child = $300.00, 4th child (and any additional children) $1,000. We need to know if you or your clients have kids now. Are you married with children? Or are you single with children?

I did wonder why you have the last name of Marvel. Are you related to the Captain Marvel Comic Book Characters? If so, well, then that puts you in a complete different TAX bracket! You would then be taxed as a cartoon/fictitious character, such as the Incredible Hulk. Hmmmm.. That made me think on that one. David BANNER??? The Incredible Hulk….David Marvel……(Captain MARVELS kid who wants to buy BANNERS?) Is there a connection here David? Do I need to contact the TransContinental Fictional Super Hero’s Task Force for Investigational Purposes to find out if you really are related to The Incredible Hulk?

Please advise so we can finalize your total bill and pay the shipping company,

Thank you,
Pecker Lewis

 

From: David Marvel

Date: Fri, Feb 10, 2012 at 1:47 PM
To: Pecker Lewis

Pecker
Forget about all that and can get to me with your phone number and the total cost so that I can make payment. Am not related with anyone please.

 

From: Sam Cooke
Date: Mon, Feb 13, 2012 at 2:04 AM
To: Pecker Lewis

Dear Customer
We will like to know whether you are still interested in our services so that we can have you order in our system. Thank you and we looking forward to serve you to your full satisfaction.

Sam Cooke

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Mon, Feb 13, 2012 at 10:19 AM
To: Sam Cooke

Hello Sam,

Yes, we’re still interested in your services.
Your quote says that it’s good till 22/02/2012.
It is only 13/02/2012.

We have to get the order ready and then we will contact you when it’s ready for shipping.

Thank you,
Pecker Lewis

 

From: David Marvel
Date: Tue, Feb 14, 2012 at 1:31 AM
To: Pecker Lewis

Do you want us to proceed with the order or cancel it?

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Sun, Feb 19, 2012 at 10:12 AM
To: David Marvel

Hi David,

We’re working hard to get your order ready. The Monkeys arrived Friday, but they do not work Saturdays or Sundays. They will start working on Monday to get the bubble wrap ready to wrap your order for shipping for Feb. 25, 2012. Please email me with your payment details so that we can get the shipping company paid. I cannot give you my phone number. Our phone service here is not very good and we only have Room to Room incoming and outgoing phone service.

Thank you for your patience,

Pecker

 

From: David Marvel
Date: Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 10:53 AM
To: Pecker Lewis

Pecker
Thank you for the update. I will provide you with my credit card details shortly.

 

From: David Marvel
Date: Tue, Feb 21, 2012 at 3:55 PM
To: Pecker Lewis

Hello Pecker
I wasn’t able to make payment due to the fact that I cant found my credit card and I am on business. I will like to know whether you can go ahead and make payment with the shippers. I will send you your money back immediately I return from business trip via Western Union.
Thank you and advise

 

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Thu, Feb 23, 2012 at 9:24 AM
To: David Marvel

Hi David,

Sorry to hear that you have lost your credit card. I lost my credit card once and you would not believe where I found it. We had a large order for 68 Organic Green Flat Walled Banners For Pink Walls. We had to hire 23 green eyed people for this order, as you can not have blue eyed people working on Organic Green Banners. Anyway David, I went to the bathroom on a Tuesday, I think it was about 10:00am and wouldn’t you know, my credit card fell out of my wallet when I was paying the bathroom dude. Do you have bathroom dudes there David? Don’t know what we would do without our bathroom dudes here. They are great.

Have you looked everywhere for your credit card? Try calling the sewer people. Maybe your credit card fell in the toilet too and is on its way to the ocean via the sewers. If they have not seen it, I would get ahold of all the captains of ships and ask them to keep an eye out for your credit card floating around in the ocean somewhere. Anyway, I talked to my boss, and he said we cannot pay the shipping charges unless you give us a valid credit card. But do not worry David!!!!

I, Pecker Lewis, will be happy to pay the shipping company for you from my own personal account. I feel like you are my long lost brother David. I feel so close to you. I actually think I love you. But, don’t get all weird on me now. I do not love you like I love my dog. I love you like a brother, man. Do you feel the same way about me?

Now I will ONLY pay for your shipping out of my personal money if you will consider me your brother From another mother. I would not do this for a stranger, only for family….

David is that ok with you? Please refer to me now as “Pecker, My Brother From Another Mother” and I will refer to you as “David, My Brother From Another Mother”.

Thank you so much David for trusting me with the shipping charges for your order. My boss says the order should be ready Friday. Once the order is ready I will contact the shipping company and make arrangements for payment and pick up.

Love,
Pecker, Your Brother From Another Mother

 

From: David Marvel
Date: Thu, Feb 23, 2012 at 10:21 AM
To: Pecker Lewis

Hello Pecker
Thank you for the mail and I have search every where possible but I can’t found my credit card. I really appreciate your help in wanting to make payment with the freight company with your personal money brother. I promise to compensate you and I will forever remain grateful to you. As soon I return from my business I will pay you your money first, and then invite you for lunch so that you will meet my family. I can’t believe people like you still exist in the world. I consider you has a brother, friend and family as well. Thank you and be safe. Keep me update

From: Pecker Lewis
Date: Thu, 23 Feb 2012 21:47:46
To: David Marvel

Dear Sweet David, My Brother From Another Mother,

I have very bad news, but you will be so happy to know that I am still alive and have made it through the chaos! Oh David, My Brother From Another Mother, it was terrible! And the worst part is we will be unable to fill your order right now!

The monkeys accidentally got loose in the warehouse, got a hold of the Winter Yellow Snow Spray and the Plastic Gold Plated Scissors, glued all the nails to the bubble wrap, and tore the banners to shreds! David, My Brother From Another Mother, I am now stuck with 10 monkeys all with mullet haircuts… and an entire warehouse in chaos!

My boss came in and told me I now have to lay off all my employees, close my business, ALL because of your order. Thank David, My Brother From Another Mother, for ruining the ECONOMY here in Canada and making all my employees homeless. And the worst part is that now I can’t return the monkeys for a refund!

It’s a shame the monkeys got so angry and trashed the entire warehouse. It’s hard finding good monkey employee’s these days! Usually the only one’s who want to take the job of paper folding, have a bad case of arthritis and they end up making a lot of mistakes, which cost more money when you have to order new rolls of organic paper bubble wrap. Those younger Origami Monkeys are the worst spoiled little brats… they expect the ‘special banana’s without bruises’.

I just don’t know what I’m going to do now David, My Brother From Another Mother. I don’t know what I am going to do with all these monkeys! Those monkeys won’t be able to work since I don’t have enough Origami Paper Bubble Wrap now to keep them employed until 2014, and when Origami Monkeys are unemployed, they aren’t very happy!

However, not is all lost David, My Brother From Another Mother. I have GREAT news.

Easter is coming, so, if you like I can send you our Easter Catalog. We have beautiful Easter Pastel Bumpy Walled organic egg washed banners in light pink, but you’d have to order them right away, because they go quickly at Easter. Oh, and you’ll also need the Hare Of The Rabbit Repellent Spray for them, to keep the egg wash from running.

Oh, David, My Brother From Another Mother, I’m so happy that you are part of my family now.

Please advise me on how you would like to proceed.

Love,
Pecker, Your Brother From Another Mother

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

 

From: David Marvel
Sat, 25 Feb 2012 14:15:37
To: Pecker Lewis

Am so sorry to hear what happened my brother. Is there any way that I can help you out my brother.