Will’s Thoughts – Love makes us do strange things.
For instance, during that delightful (and extremely short) ‘honeymoon’ period of love when Crazy Lady and I first met, when anything and everything was possible.
So, when Countess Clairol decided that she would color her hair at home, and suggested that she might as well do mine too, I figured, ‘Shucks, why not?’ I’d never had my hair colored, and kind of looked forward to having it done. Well, love makes us do strange things. When she opened the package, a horrible smell assaulted my nose, like a cross between embalming fluid and ammonia. Now I reckon that at that point, any of the good Lord’s other creatures, with even a lick of sense, would have bolted out the door in self-preservation. Oh, but not I. Instead, I watched with love as Francesstein mixed ingredients that looked remarkably like the ink an octopus shoots out when escaping.
The next thing I know, I have got latex gloves on, and I’m applying color to her hair. Did I mention how badly that stuff stunk? Well, the color seemed a wee bit too ‘red’ to me, but Ms. Maybelline assured me that, when it merged with the ‘natural’ hair color, it would result in a nice shade of brunette. Soon it was my turn. As she toweled my shoulders and began working the concoction into my few remaining hairs, it dawned on me that there was no longer any turning back. I assured myself that she loved me and there was nothing to worry about. Once the hazardous, stinky, itchy, burning substance had been liberally applied, I was informed that I would have to wait to allow time for it to work. This presented a serious personal challenge for me, as I have had a serious ‘wait’ problem all my life.
After the prescribed period of torture, it was time to reveal the final product. For ‘most’ people this is a happy time. Bending me over the kitchen sink like she was getting ready to give me a prostrate exam, the Good Witch of the North began to rinse my hair. It is important to mention here that phrases like, “Oh my!”, “Oh well, it’ll grow out”, “It’s only hair…” and other commonly used ‘screw-up self-assurances’, are not real confidence builders. But, I not only got all of them and more, they were mixed with laughter, pointing and knee slapping. Needless to say, I started to get a really bad feeling, and feared that the color had turned out too red after all. Thankfully it had not. Instead, it turned out to be a beautiful shade of bright purple.
I worked in vehicle sales at the time, so approaching customers looking like ‘Barney’ presented its own set of challenges. I’d watch a wide range of thoughts and emotions flit across their faces, from “Oh my God honey! It’s a Purple Salesasaur”, to “Dang, that must have been one awesome party!” There were also a few weeks where, when I got home, instead of “Hi Baby, how was work?”, she’d cover her mouth and run into other rooms shrieking with laughter. When we appeared in public holding hands, our matching green eyes, tall slim builds and purple hair had people saying things like, “The family that dyes together, cries together”, “It’s Barney’s extended family!”, and so on. Well, my hair eventually grew out and returned to its natural color, and it has never, ever, been colored since. I have also learned that it is not strange for love makes us do strange things.
Will’s thoughts prove that everybody has opinions, but he has way more than he should. From dogs that won’t stop barking, to the antics of his spouse, ‘Crazy Lady’, Will’s Thoughts will make you smile.
