Will’s Thoughts | Jerks Who Let Their Dogs Bark

Will’s Thoughts – Jerks Who Let Their Dogs Bark… And Bark, And Bark

I hate jerks who let their dogs bark and bark. This week’s thoughts are for irresponsible and inconsiderate dog owners, specifically those jerk neighbors who let their dogs yip, whine, and bark outside for hour upon hour, day and night, upsetting people for blocks in every direction. Maybe to them little Fifi or big ol’ Brutus ain’t bothering anyone with their barking. In fact, they’re so darn devoid of intelligence that it’s quite possible they believe their dog’s barking is appreciated because it scares off criminals. Well, if you happen to be one of those hair-brained, mule/horse hybrids who shouldn’t have pets, you couldn’t possibly be more wrong. Let me put the behavior into perspective.

Imagine you’re sleeping soundly, when all of a sudden your drunken neighbors begin yelling loudly, with every second word the f-word. You toss and turn, hoping that they’ll knock it off soon and go back inside. But they don’t. Instead they continue to scream ever louder, hour after hour. Finally you get angry and call the police, who usually respond and quiet things down fairly quickly when it’s people raising the ruckus. But when it’s a dog barking the police don’t come, so the noise continues unabated. Instead you lay there exhausted as the neighbor’s dob  barks, and barks, and barks…

To understand the volume involved, the average alarm clock is designed to awaken us from even the deepest of slumbers with rings and buzzes that range between 65-80 decibels. Permanent damage to the human ear begins at 85 decibels. The average car or house stereo, at maximum volume, is around 100 decibels. A dog’s bark ranges from 65-108 decibels, depending on their size, and why they are barking. Medium to large dog barks average in excess of 100 decibels. Now can you start to see why neighbors wish lynching was legal?

When a dog is outside barking, it’s the four-legged version of drunks screaming profanities and threats at the top of their lungs. Their noise carries for miles in every direction, destroying the peace and quiet of everyone within hearing range. Excessive dog barking is illegal according to most city noise bylaws. To neighbors, the whining, yipping and barking a pet does to get attention is like listening to a screaming baby, driving them to the edge of madness.

So dog owners, have some class and show consideration for other people. Monitor your dogs. If they bark, whine or yip for more than five minutes, bring them back inside. Don’t make the problem even worse by cracking open the door and screaming at them to shut up. The last thing your neighbors want to hear is a deafening duet of dunces featuring you and your pet, further violating the entire neighborhood’s peace and quiet.

For the people suffering from the action/inaction of irresponsible and inconsiderate pet owners (insufferable idiots with IQs several digits lower than their shoe size), call the city and report the noise violation. They’ll respond and warn and/or possibly fine the owner. If noise issues continue, the offending animal(s) will be removed. For rural residents, check area by-laws.

Will’s thoughts prove that everybody has opinions, but he has way more than he should. From dogs that won’t stop barking, to the antics of his spouse, ‘Crazy Lady’, Will’s Thoughts will make you smile.