The Northern Star Magazine Online

Mind Blowing Stuff To Read
Menu
  • Home
  • Humor
  • WTF
  • Animals
  • Ron’s Rambles
  • Games/Sports
  • Will’s Thoughts
  • Beauty
  • Inspirational
  • Misc
  • Entertainment
  • Val’s Life Views
  • True or False
  • Lifestyles
  • Tech
  • Health
Home
Animal And Pet Stories
Letter To The Cats Who Own Me

Letter To The Cats Who Own Me

Cats sleeping on bed

Dear Cats,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of other cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years,  feline attendance is not mandatory or helpful.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cats’ back end. I cannot stress this enough.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door…

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

My cats live here. You don’t.

If you don’t want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That’s why it’s called “fur”niture)

I like my cats a LOT better than I like most people. (That includes you)

To you, my cats are just animals. To me, they are adopted sons and daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and have very profound speech impediments.

My cats are better than kids. They eat less, don’t ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never ask to drive the car, don’t hang out with drug-using friends, don’t smoke or drink, don’t worry about buying the latest fashions, don’t wear fancy expensive clothes, don’t need a gazillion dollars for college or university, and won’t get pregnant, because they’ve been “fixed.”

Prev Article
Next Article

Related Articles

true or false snowbank
Was The Stanley Cup Left In A Snowbank? Hockey’s Ultimate …
Cathie

Was The Stanley Cup Left In A Snowbank?

UFO Dark Skies
By Ron Murdock UFO Sightings UFO sightings are not usually …
Cathie

UFO Sightings Increase In The West Kootenays

About The Author

Cathie

Stand Beside or Stand Aside T-Shirt

Dang Woman!

DANG WOMAN! a hilarious guide to unsuccessfully outwitting a woman :-)small dang woman ad Available in paperback and E-book

Check Out These Great Stories Too!

  • Personal Home Security System | Your FobPersonal Home Security System | Your Fob
  • Video Camera Goggles | OhO 4K Ski GogglesVideo Camera Goggles | OhO 4K Ski Goggles
  • Captain America: The Winter Soldier Movie ReviewCaptain America: The Winter Soldier Movie Review
  • True Or False? Canadian Money Once Had A Demon Hidden In Queen Elizabeth’s HairTrue Or False? Canadian Money Once Had A Demon Hidden In Queen Elizabeth’s Hair
  • Things Are Not Always As They SeemThings Are Not Always As They Seem
  • The Amazing Spider-Man 2 Movie Review | By Clifford T. HofferdThe Amazing Spider-Man 2 Movie Review | By Clifford T. Hofferd
  • Carpenter Nails The ProblemCarpenter Nails The Problem
  • Media Coverage Is An Illusion Part 2 | By Ron MurdockMedia Coverage Is An Illusion Part 2 | By Ron Murdock
  • Zombie Craze Really Preparation For Alien Invasion
  • 5 Of The Weirdest Restaurants in Tokyo5 Of The Weirdest Restaurants in Tokyo

You Might Also Like

  • True Or False? 100 Strangers Picked The Same Lottery Numbers And Won
  • More UFO Sightings Over Nelson BC
  • Ghost Hunting Equipment: Essential Tools for Paranormal Investigations
  • Clueless In The Sixties | By Val Enders
  • How Much Oil Is Still Left?

The Northern Star Magazine Online

Mind Blowing Stuff To Read
Copyright © 2025 The Northern Star Magazine Online
Terms and Conditions | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy