Recently I received an email from a wonderful friend of mine. We met in an oil painting class, and have remained friends ever since. It’s one of those instant connections we sometimes have with certain people. Maybe we’ve met them in a previous life or something. We don’t speak to each other a lot, or visit a lot, but when we have important things to say, we get in touch.
It seems that my friend is going to Africa! Now I don’t know many people who have traveled to Africa, so I am really excited that she is going, and that I will get first hand information about her trip when she returns. I have never actually been to Africa, but I think I know enough about it from watching all those nature shows, so I feel qualified to share some advice. Heck, I’m practically an expert on wildlife, especially lions.
I know that they kill and eat their dinner every night at six o’clock when I am having mine. Every evening at my dinner time, while watching the nature channel, I see the lions circling baby antelopes. One bite on the neck and it’s all over. These killing rampages only happen when I am eating, so hence I know that they chow down at six o’clock. I watch them drag their poor snacks into the bushes, and reflect on the fact that it’s the female lions that serve up the grub. Sound familiar girls?
Since I felt like I was on a first name basis with Jane Goodall, I thought I had better let my friend know that those cute chimpanzees were not as innocent as they seem. Oh sure, they look adorable as babies, but I’d make sure to give them a wide berth if I was her. I think they may belong to an organized crime ring. I once saw a chimp try to steal a camera from the guy standing next to me at the zoo. Not only that, they are super strong, and I think it’s a good idea to avoid anything that can beat the crap out of you and pull your hair too. Judging from what I have learned from the Discovery channel, these guys would make gang members look like wimps.
Their cousins the red bummed baboons are not nice either. Can’t say I blame them. If I had to walk around showing a big red bum to everyone, I probably would be angry too. I don’t think a swollen, red rear end would make me a guy magnet either. Just sayin’.
I had a few other points that I wanted to tell her. For instance, I recommend that she avoid angry rhinos (they run fast). Fortunately they are like us, and eventually forget where they are going. I also know that they have bad eye site, but still, I wouldn’t want to take a chance. Don’t go on any walking safaris my friends, unless you can out run the snakes and hyenas!
Another thing I wanted to mention to her… absolutely NO singing and dancing around campfires, with people who wear masks, and have a big pot of boiling water nearby. She’ll know who I mean when she sees their tattoos, spears, and nose bone piercings.
Frankly, I think I will take my own advice and continue to be an armchair traveler. I’ve taken trips down the Zambezi and watched the Gnu’s do the annual river crossing, all from my nice comfy chair. I’ve seen the elephants, giraffes, and crocodiles and not even been the least bit afraid. Africa is beautiful on my state of the art TV. It’s just like being there without the hassle.
I hope my friend has a terrific time, and keeps in touch. But you know what they say “No Gnus is good Gnus!” Sorry, I couldn’t resist that one.
Author Val Enders resides in Spruce Grove, Alberta. She married her high school sweetheart, Richard, and they’ve been together for over 40 years. Val doesn’t consider herself a writer by profession, rather she writes more for her own enjoyment. An accomplished artist, Val’s a member of the Allied Arts Council of Spruce Grove. Visit Val’s “Journey Into Art” website at www.vals.webs.com
