A Crazy Lady Critter Christmas: I reckon that as we get older, and now that the kids all have lives of their own, Crazy Lady and I lack the celebratory motivation that we once had. It seems a shame to put up the Christmas tree now, and then take it down in a week, so maybe we’ll open presents in front of the one on TV. I thought about what’s different this year, and I reckon that everything is. The hours of shopping once done, have now been reduced to sending a few cheques, a handful of gift cards and transferring money to bank accounts. The nights struggling to wrap presents of all sizes and shapes, have been replaced by pieces of plastic sent by lick and stick snail mail. And, the decorations that we used to spend hours draping, sticking and stapling in dazzling geometric patterns on mantles and in windowpanes, now sit stored in large plastic tubs.
But, just when I thought Mrs. Claus had menopause, and the mornings of impatient children, frumpy hair and oversized slippers had gone the way of the mullet, I happened to go into our backyard. Well, I couldn’t believe my eyes. There, wearing a pointy red and white felt hat, was the Queen of Nuts, Santa Squirrel, decorating everything! As I photographed her trying to stuff an oversized tree into Peckette’s feeder station, I started to smile. Soon, Christie Crow and her kids perched in pine trees, as Peck and Peckette chattered at Mother Nature hanging bulbs on branches. To this old hunter, watching her antics was funnier than dropping a hot rock into long-johns at -40, or watching friends walk into floorless outhouses.
I stood there thinking that our sky scavengers and cone crunchers had never seen anything quite like those pretty bulbs, and began calculating how long it’d take them to transform the glittering glass spheres into shimmering shards of misunderstood holiday spirit. But, I wasn’t going to say anything to dampen her Christmas spirit, until Empress Electra decided to string some lights. Now, as much as I’d love to have a neon squirrel glowing out back, or have charred chatterer with carrots and a stuffed tater for supper, I had to remind Hydra of Hydro that rodents and electrical wires make bad medicine. After telepathically flipping me the bird, she took her stuff and went inside.
Well, now I felt bad. There she was, trying her darndest to keep the holiday spirit alive, and stupid ol’ me, just had to pee on her parade. I went inside to apologize. I found her sitting in the middle of our kitchen floor. But, instead of sobbing, she was sorting. She had a bunch of little containers, and I’ll be danged if she wasn’t making all of her critter kids gift baskets! Relieved, I made a near fatal mistake of reaching for a few nuts to munch on, and almost drew back a bloody stump. I reckon that a fella should never get between a mother bear and her cubs, or Crazy Lady and her critters. Turns out that the nuts weren’t bought for me, so to avoid spending my new year shopping for a prosthetic arm, I backed away from her frenzied activity. Yes siree, this year there ain’t many decorations inside our home, because they’re pretty well all outside now, used to decorate the grounds as we celebrate the furred and feathered festivities of the Crazy Lady’s first Critter Christmas.
Empress Electra stringing some lights. I had to remind Hydra of Hydro that rodents and electrical wires make bad medicine.
I went outside and found the Queen of Nuts, Santa Squirrel (aka Crazy Lady) decorating the backyard!
Crazy Lady trying to stuff an oversized tree into Peckette’s feeder station.
Christie Crow and her kids perched in pine trees, as Peck and Peckette
chattered at Mother Nature hanging bulbs on branches.
Christy Crow watches Crazy Lady. I wonder if crows, the most
intelligent of all birds, share the human trait of thinking
“… just when you think you’ve seen it all…”
Peckette intently watches Crazy Lady decorate her feeding station.
Despite her best attempts, none of Crazy Lady’s critters would allow
her to put elf hats or fake reindeer horns on them.
It was at this point, that even the squirrels were becoming
concerned about the level of sanity they were observing, as
seen in the eyes of Peckette.
I reckon that if a New York pimp was to decorate a squirrel
feeding station, this is pretty close to how it would look.
(I wasn’t about to remind Her Majesty that squirrels are nervous little twits…)
Black capped chickadees arrive for the aviate hors d’oeuvres,
slightly miffed because Crazy Lady forgot to hang the mistletoe.
Peckette finally overcomes her fears, and decides to join the celebrations.
It wasn’t long before Peck (aka Pecker) was trying
to convince Crazy Lady to let him ‘set the table’.
Peck enjoys the free peanuts as he waits for another beer.
All her furred and feathered friends are going to have a wonderful day,
as they open their presents on the morning of Crazy Lady’s Critter Christmas.
I found Crazy Lady sitting in the middle of our kitchen floor.
She had a bunch of little containers, and I’ll be danged if
she wasn’t making all of her critter kids gift baskets!
Will’s thoughts prove that everybody has opinions, but he has way more than he should. From dogs that won’t stop barking, to the antics of his spouse, ‘Crazy Lady’, Will’s Thoughts will make you smile.
