There is such a thing as too many pixels!
Too much information is not always a good thing. Nor are too many pixels necessarily good for the soul. However, when you combine the two, you get Crazy Lady running around the house with a serious case of the heebie-geebies. Such was the way that my afternoon unfolded. Let me tell you my tale.
Not feeling well, I laid down on the couch ‘for a few minutes’ today, while the Flash Faerie floated around the house with her new camera, transforming reality into itty-bitty illuminated pixels. Now, we all know what to expect when kids playing suddenly get quiet, and I reckon that Pattie Pixella ain’t no exception to that rule.
To back-step in time for a moment, about once a year, she who makes UFOs seem normal, goes on an entomological (the study of bugs) expedition, involving an up close and personal examination of her potted photosynthesizing prisoners (aka houseplants). It needs to be stated here, that while the Wild One has been known to burp, fart and giggle like a teenage boy, she has a reactionary revulsion for certain bugs, and spiders are at the very top of her list. Well, about two years ago, she discovered that a couple of her indoor plants had tiny little critters called ‘spider’ mites crawling on them. Good God almighty, you’d have thought they were crawling with gigantic tarantulas. Putting on her Glad HazMat suit, she exiled them to the wheeled world of the unwanted that visits the curb weekly.
But, by then she had developed a full blown case of the creeps, and spent the next few days going over every leaf, twig and stalk of each plant with a magnifying glass, occasionally mumbling ‘Ah ha!’, and ‘Ewww…That’s just so gross!’ The list of her horticultural fatalities continued to grow, until I finally suggested that she might want to keep one or two, if for no other reason than to have something to toss out later. Looking at me with suspicion, as though I might be in cahoots with the bugs, she reluctantly let the rest survive (though she continued to monitor them for any sign of web threads, or little red spots for months afterward).
Now, back to the present. I reckon that most homes have fruit flies, or little critters that look a heap like them. I know we do, and according to Connie Cornicopia, they are both normal and live in the soil of her plants. Having grown up with bugs, I normally pay them no mind, so the tiny buzzers don’t bother me a bit. Well, all that changed today because last Ho Ho day, Her Highness got a new digital camera from her boys, which she was allowed to pick out. After doing about a week’s worth of research, and going over every sale flyer she could access, she finally picked one, and it is certainly skookum. In fact, it has since turned out to be so skookum that it is apparently powerful enough to be able to photograph life living in the sands of Saturn.
Case in point, as I lay moaning for attention, and expelling puffs of aromas unlike a Glade air freshener this afternoon, Fuella De Ville was using the zoom feature of her camera to take close ups of her rooted children, and the minuscule critters that live in her soil. All went well, until she decided to upload the pictures to her computer, then zoom in on what appeared to be a spot on a leaf.
Horror swept across her face, as a creature appeared that made a magnified bed bug look like Leonardo De Caprio. Its armored legs and body looked like a machine from War of the Worlds, and I could visibly see the blood drain from her face. Going to the middle of the living room and standing in a vertical fetal position, she royally proclaimed, “Okay, now I am officially freaked out!!!” Trying to assure her that those critters ain’t nothing compared to the ones living in our skin and blood, which in hindsight was’t well thought out, she began to look like she was a just couple of straps short of straight jacket.
She was shaking like a dog just out of water, and whimpering like a man with the flu, so I tried my best to calm her down, but once she gets fired up about something that weirds her out, her emotional state remains rigidly fixated and hard to change for a long time. So, as I write this, she stands in the kitchen spraying one after another of her leafed lovers, with what I have no idea, though I suspect it to be something that is poisonous to the bugs. And, now that I’m watching her doing it, it’s kind of giving ME the heebie-geebies, because I know she didn’t go out to the shed or greenhouse to get whatever it is. So now I’m wondering if that stuff has been in the kitchen all along, and if so, has she been keeping the ‘Hairy One’ bug free too?
Will’s thoughts prove that everybody has opinions, but he has way more than he should. From dogs that won’t stop barking, to the antics of his spouse, ‘Crazy Lady’, Will’s Thoughts will make you smile.
