People Who Leave Outdoor Holiday Lights On Long After Holidays Are Over.
The time has come for me to address the issue of outdoor ‘holiday’ lights being left on long after the holidays. What the heck is up with these people? The lights are like neon yard signs screaming, “Check this out, not only do we produce carbon footprints the size of a brontosaurus, but, because of our continued contributions, we are personally responsible for the record profits the electric company reported last year.” And here’s the irony. It’s never the gorgeous light displays that are left on. Oh no! It’s always the homes that only have a scraggly strand here or there, along a roof or porch, in a window, or even worse, on a bush in the yard, draped with all the creativity and care that an angry husband could muster. Try as I might, their rationale just escapes me.
Perhaps they say to themselves, “Well, by golly, maybe we ain’t as fancy as them other folks, but we’ll show them, we’ll leave ours on way longer.” Or, maybe they are electric hoarders and we have absolutely no idea of all the appliances they have turned on inside. Then there is the possibility that they shrank during the holidays and can no longer reach the light switch. And I guess I should not overlook the probability that the lights are left on for the same reason brothels leave their red lights on. Now, I’m sure there is a few, “Dang, I forgot to turn them lights off again”, mixed in with a whole heap of “I really don’t care”, but seriously, what gratification does one possibly extract from making a $200,000 home look like it is located in a third world country?
Maybe I am just out of the loop and leaving the lights on, months after the holidays are over, is some kind of a ‘take me’ sign to extraterrestrials, or a coded message to anti-holiday terrorists plotting to destroy joy. Perhaps they fondly think of them as their ‘outside’ night lights, or it is all part of a social experiment being conducted by a secret international society. I’m sure there are a few who are simply new to the country and haven’t yet adjusted to its social norms, but they are a vast minority among the millions of hydro-hogging zombies haunting the night, the environmentally undead, whose hollow eyes reveal their nocturnal habit of staring at the lights through the night, the pretty, pretty lights, the beautiful lights, the ‘precious’ lights…
Do you suppose when they were children, they used to dream of growing up and someday owning their very own string of electric light bulbs? Is there some paranormal corelation between the lights, garbage cans left at the curb for days and people who think letting their dog crap in other people’s yards somehow makes it ‘go away’? Maybe they’re innocent victims of holiday-loving gremlins, who sneakily plug the lights back in every time that they are unplugged. Or maybe, instead of watching TV, they stare out their windows, squinting to make the lights look like fairy folk dancing in the dark. I reckon there is a chance that they are housebound and don’t notice the lights on, but, like I said, I have a hard time following their rationale. So, all of you people who, for whatever reason leave your outdoor holiday lights turned on long after the season is over, geez, get with the program. Twitch the switch, get connected to disconnection and pull the plugs!
Will’s thoughts prove that everybody has opinions, but he has way more than he should. From dogs that won’t stop barking, to the antics of his spouse, ‘Crazy Lady’, Will’s Thoughts will make you smile.
