Will’s Thoughts | Stupid Questions

Will’s Thoughts – We have all heard the statement, ‘The only stupid question is the one you fail to ask’.

Well, I ain’t never heard of bigger monkey muffins, bull manure or horse hunks. Ever! No stupid questions indeed!

What dimwit came up with that? Seriously? Did he/she never read about redneck cousin Leroy checking the gas level in the lawnmower, who asked old Billy Jo, “Ya’ll got a lighter?” Or, my favorite, the twits that run up to victims of horrible accidents, who’re hanging upside down, bleeding profusely, and ask, “Are you alright?” No stupid questions!

I could have never been a doorman. I’d have been fired after the first jerk asked where he should go (or ‘told’ me to do something). Ditto for being a receptionist. The first call that came in would have gone something like this; “Hello?” “Can I speak to Mr. Jones?” “Well now, I reckon that all depends, mister. Let’s start by evaluating whether you’re even worthy. First, lay down on the rug, rollover and bark three times.” No stupid questions!

Your engine dies on a deserted stretch of highway, you have no tools and you can’t get a cell phone signal. You lift the hood and try everything you can, but with no luck. Just as you’re about to attempt to walk to get help, a pickup comes along. It slows down and stops beside you. The good old boy leans out his window and asks, “Got a problem?” Or, how about when you unload $400.00 worth of groceries, from two overflowing carts, onto the check-out belt at the store. You walk up to the cashier empty handed, and she/he asks, “Need any bags?” And, then there’s the game show host that asks a homeless contestant in a multi-million dollar talent competition, “What would winning this competition mean to you?” Really buddy? Can you feel me mentally slapping the ‘heck’ out of you? No stupid questions!

You’re out working in the garden, roasting in the hot sun, and friends stop by. They see you on your knees, gloves on, and with dirt up to your shoulder blades, but still ask, “What are you doing?” The reporter interviewing the out-of-breath, sweat-drenched hockey player, who asks, “What does your team need to do in the next period?” And, what about the cop that stops you for speeding, and asks, “Were you aware of how fast you were going?” Honestly? This person has a loaded gun on? You resist the urge to say, “Yes, I was aware of how bloody fast I was going. What I wasn’t aware of, Herr Dummkopf, was that you were around to catch me.” No stupid questions!

You go into a local diner and have the $5.00 grilled cheese sandwich and bowl of soup special. All you have is a $100 bill. Your waitress brings you the bill, you give her the hundred, she looks you dead in the eye and asks, “Would you like your change?” No stupid questions! You forget that you were supposed to meet someone at a coffee shop, so they call you at home and ask, “Where are you?” What about the nurse who asked my dying father, “How’re you feeling?” Or the server that comes to my table and asks, “Can I take your order?” No stupid questions! Well, I reckon if there ain’t no stupid questions, then there sure is a whole heap of stupid people.

Will’s thoughts prove that everybody has opinions, but he has way more than he should. From dogs that won’t stop barking, to the antics of his spouse, ‘Crazy Lady’, Will’s Thoughts will make you smile.