T’was Was The Night Before Halloween…
Okay, I venture into extremely dangerous territory with the following; T’was was the night before Halloween and all through the house, creepy creatures were stirring and all thought me a louse. There were pointy hats and lots and lots of black, green skin color and shawls with tiny plastic bats. And that was just dress rehearsal. You see, Crazy Lady and her ma, Sheez Insain, stumbled across a ‘good deal’ on stuff to dress and make themselves up with for All Hallows Eve. And the way them gals were a’gigglin’ and carrying on last night, you’d have sworn they were ten years old again.
One minute Morticia Adams strolled into the room, the next the Wicked Witch of the West. Look after look was paraded before both me and mirrors as the diabolical duo accelerated and accentuated their ability to scare the crap out of children. Now, most folks will get themselves all dressed up to go to parties, operas and formal events. But, it’s not so with Ono Youwont and Lika Toslapu. Them women folk came more and more alive with each passing moment as it got closer and closer to the night of the Witches Ball.
The Search For Horror, Guts And Gore
In their efforts to enhance their ability to become ugly, giggles changed to cackles and Facebook was forsaken for Google as the search for horror, guts and gore began with online stores. Soon ideas galore graced image searches and eyes twinkled with each passing inspiration. I knew when an image was especially terrifying by the size of their smile and that the end result will no doubt be a ‘dash’ to the store today to augment their capacity to make kids pee and poop their pants after the sun goes down.
Of course, all that Ms. Dressup stuff was just fine and dandy until they ran out of options. Then, since they couldn’t dress up the darn cats, their glowing optical orbs turned toward your’s truly. Now, I’ll be danged if they ain’t a’going to make me wear a costume. One that’s supposed to make me look like a Sith Lord from Star Wars, but really makes me look like Quasimodo – the hunchback of Notre Dame as a senior citizen. And while they enjoy the heck out of putting on makeup that causes fright with absolute delight, they decided (thankfully) that they’ll make the evil man thing look like an extra on The Walking Dead by doing none on me.
Before Medical Or Dental Plans
Yep, them kids best be ready to see what rednecks a thousand years ago looked like tonight, because to get candy out of the clutches of Countess Chocola they’re going to get a glimpse of what it was like when folks didn’t have medical or dental plans. And if they don’t get to boltin’ at all the revoltin’, there’s full sized candy bars or bags of chips to choose from as long as they last, or until Diane Tokicku and Betty Likesit realize that their ‘reserve’ (the amount of candy expected to remain after all trick and treating was done) is being threatened. Then them there porch lights go off, pumpkins and such come back in and the door will be forever more unanswered. But, tonight’s the night, so I guess we shall see.
For now, out will go the pumpkins, knocks will come to the door, then it’ll be ‘oh’s’ and ‘ah’s’ at costumes that rub the children raw. The Munsters will divvy out delights, as parents mentally calculate their share of the haul and the Bell Boy is expected to hold the cats back as terrifying toddler troupes tromp and stomp to and from the door. Yeppers, I really have to salute the resiliency and fortitude of children, because despite wearing itchy, uncomfortable costumes and makeup, slogging through inclement weather, and having to climb more steps than the pyramids in Egypt, they still manage to shout “Trick or Treat” with enthusiasm and see absolutely nothing wrong with taking candy from people who look like they died a year or two ago.
To Add Insult To Injury
Then, to add insult to injury, when they get home their parents make them choose their favorites from their mountain of munchies before ‘the candy fairy’ comes that night to secret the rest away to Candy Cane Lane, which coincidentally, is located in the parent’s bedside drawer. Yet, at the end of the day I’ll have to admit that I really loved watching the costumes, kids and all the fun they had, and especially shedding the whole ancient disabled desert terrorist look right after.
Horrify Harmless Children
And, speaking of fun, I reckon that it’s a given that the Haven Ho’s gonna be enjoying the heck out of themselves tonight, because this is their night to horrify harmless children, and collude about confections to deprive me of a respectable share of any remaining candy. And, I can assure you that there will certainly be some serious depriving a’going on, as their candy wrappers crinkle and caustic cackles raise my hackles, and my stomach will not only growl, it’ll roar.
Dang women…
Halloween Night Look For Handing Out Candy To Little Munchkins!
Will’s thoughts prove that everybody has opinions, but he has way more than he should. From dogs that won’t stop barking, to the antics of his spouse, ‘Crazy Lady’, Will’s Thoughts will make you smile.
