The old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, “Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The old man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call …
By W. Lewis Last week the world quietly mourned the loss of yet another important figure in world history, Exclamation Point. It is suggested that he was of Latin origin, and that his name meant ‘joy’. His exact birth date is unknown, but he first appeared in printed documents around 1451, and was called the “sign of admiration or exclamation”, …
Few images in life are more touching than rosy cheeked young children playing with preposterously cute puppies. Perhaps it’s because they invoke memories of giggling cherubs and the warm smell of puppy breath, or maybe they touch us far deeper in the soul, in an almost primal way. Mankind has an ancient affinity for all creatures canine, as do they …
» Which is worse, ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares? » Adam returned home late one night after drinking way too much with a dodo and a unicorn. Eve, who felt abandoned and was lonely, got angry and yelled at him, “You are seeing another woman!” Adam responded, “Don’t be silly, Eve, you are the only woman on earth.” …
Recently I received an email from a wonderful friend of mine. We met in an oil painting class, and have remained friends ever since. It’s one of those instant connections we sometimes have with certain people. Maybe we’ve met them in a previous life or something. We don’t speak to each other a lot, or visit a lot, but when we have …
» Thanks to automatic teller machines, children no longer believe that money grows on trees. Now they think it comes out of walls. » While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about. » I dreamed that God sneezed, and I didn’t know what to say. » A lot of …
Former Canadian Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, was less than amused when reporters laughed hysterically as he stepped up to the podium to address an international press conference. Apparently a Quebec graphic artist, Luc Warm, had prepared what was supposed to be a bilingual podium facing, and used a spelling error to make what many in Quebec feel was an accurate …
One day in her contract law class, Professor Jensen asked one of the better students, “If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?” The young man replied, “I’d say , ‘Here’s an orange’ and hand it to them.” The professor was livid and said, “No! No! No! Think like a lawyer!” The student thought …
Worm Tequila Salt, or Sal de Gusano in Spanish, definitely isn’t for vegetarians. Gusano worms, plucked from their spiky cactus homes, are ground up, and then blended with rock salt and chili, to give it a nice smoky flavor. Not only is this salt perfect for those tequila shots, it is also perfect for salsa, salads or sprinkling on your …
» Question: When is the best time to go to the dentist? Answer: At Tooth-hurty. » Have you been dreaming of rain lately? Well, in the weird world of dreams, rain is believed to represent sorrow, and/or depression. The harder that the rain falls, the deeper your subconscious despair is thought to be. But, dreams can also suggest renewal, regrowth …
Well it finally came today. To tell you the truth, I’d forgotten about the darn thing since it‘s been so long since I’d ordered it. Let me see, was it September? Maybe it was October? Regardless, it was in my hot little hand and it looked amazing. It was so colorful, purple with yellow writing on the cover, and a …
Enough of the taxes already! Tax our land, Tax our bed, Tax the table At which we’re fed. Tax our work, Tax our pay, We work for peanuts Anyway! Tax our cow, Tax our goat, Tax our pants, Tax our coat. Tax our tobacco, Tax our drink, Tax us if we Try to think. Tax our car, Tax our gas, …
Now that the metric system is in wide use all over the world except in the United States, their expressions help us realize why Americans chose not to adopt it: A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers. Put your best .3 of a meter forward. Spare the 5.03 meters, and spoil the child. Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams …
Once Upon A Time Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she strolled through an ancient forest, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted lake miles from her castle. Surprised by its size, she gathered her skirts and sat down upon a large rock to …
