Kids Sure Do Say The Funniest Things
Kids are vertically challenged comedians of the underage kind, and they say the funniest things. Here’s a collection of childish jewels to get you smiling.
A little boy, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell his mother that he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So she fished it out and threw it in the garbage. The little lad stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to his parent’s en-suite and came out with her toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, “We better throw this one out too then, ’cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.”
A youth worker at the temple was asking children about what it took to get to heaven. “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the temple … would that get me into Heaven?” “NO!” the children all answered. “If I cleaned the temple every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?” Again, the answer was, “NO!” “Well then, what if I am kind to animals and give candy to all the children, and love my wife, will that get me into Heaven?” he asked again. Again, they all answered, “NO!” “Well,” he continued, “then how do I get into Heaven?” A five-year-old boy shouted out, “YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!”
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When the ladies spotted him, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, a minister heard the intoning of a prayer. Apparently, his 5 year old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers, and with sonorous dignity, intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: “Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ….and into the hole he gooooes.”
A grade 5 teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in developing logical thinking. “This is the scene,” said the teacher. “A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?” A little girl raised her hand, and asked, “To draw out all his savings?”
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, “What was Jesus’ mother’s name?” One child answered, “Mary.” The teacher then asked, “Who knows what Jesus’ father’s name was?” A little boy said, “Verge.” Confused, the teacher asked, “Why do you think his father’s name was Verge?” The boy said, “Well, you know, they’re always talking about Verge n’ Mary.
An exasperated mother, whose son was always slamming the front and back doors, finally asked him, “If you won’t obey your mother and stop slamming the doors, how do you expect to get into Heaven?” The boy thought it over, and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out, and in and out, and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out”
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. She asked her daughter, “What does the cow say?” Her child answered, “Moooo!” The mother then said “Great! What does the cat say?” The little girl said, “Meow.” The mother proudly said, “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” The wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother, and replied, “Bud.”
An 8-year-old came in while his parents were setting the table for supper. Quite surprisingly, he asked if he could help. His mother said, “No, but I do appreciate your asking.” The child responded, “Well, I appreciate your saying no.”